Here we go, again.

I know I didn’t study, but I still want that A.

I didn’t give a fuck all summer, but getting anything less than an A would be devastating to me. I’m already disappointed in my performance tomorrow.

I’m mentally prepared for the day. I’m mentally prepared for anything really. Thank you 2017 aidsride/lifecyle. I have endurance. I have perseverance. But I know my behavior from the recent months: resentful.

2017. The summer of brunt. Being burnt out. Resentfully exercising. Resentfully waking up for morning swims. Showing up late to workouts on purpose. Not going HARD.

But I will tomorrow. I’ll go hard. I’ll give it everything I have. I want to. And I want to enjoy the experience. Will they come hand in hand? Maybe.

“What are you looking forward to making after the race?” asked someone I respect. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t deserve anything. I didn’t train enough. I didn’t eat well. I didn’t train hard. Not like last year.

I can now answer faithfully: having my friends over. Making Micheladas for them. Because they’re great. They’ve supported me. And I’ll try to repay them in a tasty alcoholic beverage– beverages. If that isn’t agape. I don’t know what is–

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