Pre-ride Pity Party

I had written the following before the Aidsride/Lifecycle. And I finally feel open to posting it:

My knee is ice during the first hour of cycling. As if someone is injecting a dose of Mr. Freeze under my knee cap.

Cold. Is how I would describe my relationship with cycling. Real cycling. With spandex, pockets and diaper-padding.

Ungrateful. That’s me. Right now. Today. Not looking forward to 7 consecutive days of blood, sweat and tears. 7 days of being hassled by the safety police. 7 days of being an extrovert?

I know I’m hitting a mental wall. And I know I shouldn’t. I just won a freaking Cannondale. No shiny new bike can take away the disgust for Cliff bars, I have right now.

And in the same day, I was informing a friend about different saddles (seats). Encouraging the world of cycling. Join us! Is it the evangelical in me? Ugh.

I feel fat. Fat. Not phat. I don’t feel strong. I feel stiff. And unmotivated.

I miss lifting weights. I miss total body workouts. I miss being able to do 2 chin-ups. I got to two. And I’m back down to zero.

I rather be climbing. Someone get me that license plate plastic frame. I rather be on the track, sprinting. I rather be writing. Yes, writing. Not riding.

When my pants don’t fit. Really. They don’t anymore. The waistband cuts. Is my body still growing hips naturally? Is it the cycling? Is it both?

That’s all me today. Tomorrow should be different. I just need someone to slap the privilege out of me.

Yes. I am doing the ride for the physical challenge. But if the FoxTri team taught me anything, it’s about the opportunity to be physically challenged and being able to also make a positive change. We can use our free time for good. We can do the things we would already be doing: running, biking– not swimming in the ocean. That’s a new one for me.

Together we raised $6,000. We realized our friends and colleagues are generous and supportive people. You all are getting into heaven. For realz.

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